Virgin WHAT?! Define purity... and then we'll talk

Purity... I think of doves and girls in flowing dresses frolicking in a meadow...

So I'm currently reading one of the greatest books of all time: The Purity Myth: How America's obsession with virginity is hurting young women by Jessica Valenti. Not only is the book written extremely well, and the research is just flawlessly chosen, etc... but the ideas and the inquisitive nature of almost every paragraph... marry me.

I am only 100 pages in so far, and I have like, 438907589478092 post its and highlights. I want to make references to a couple of things and throw my opinion at them (despite how similar my opinion is to Valenti's... she's a genius, so it's all good).

So essentially the main issue revolves around
- what is purity?
- what is a virgin?
- what's the deal with the virgin/whore dichotomy
- sexualization of youth and how this relates to the obsession with virginity
- if you have sex, you are forever tainted and may as well go live in a cave
- if you are a virgin, here... have a pony <3

oh shi--

Like me, Valenti (2010) argues that abstinence teaching is not a bad thing; however, the absence of any other teaching about sexual health is just wrong. There is a huge bias there about beliefs, and really, who are YOU to say what students believe and what they should believe?!?! Yes, YOU! .____.

Like my thesis majestically says (although in a very rough copy at the moment), sex education should focus more on the individual, relationships, experiences, and healthy living rather than the ACT of intercourse and its negative outcomes. Seriously... negativity doesn't sit well with anyone, and although students NEED to be aware of STIs and unwanted babies, they also need to know that kissing and holding hands and the nice feeling of having your body caressed is nice when it is done in a HEALTHY way.

So why is this virginity issue such an issue??

WELL,
Whether you are a virgin or a whore* (it seems to me like you are either or in the eyes of a virginity-movement advocate), neither is really a good thing.
If you are a virgin, you are a limited sheltered "girl"** who is waiting for her husband to take her flower, etc. Boring.
If you are a whore, you have sex with everything that moves and are dirty and tainted and worthless and hopeless and ANYONE who is not a heterosexual girl purely waiting for her husband to come retrieve the tulips.

*Whore??? But she's wearing the colour of purity!!! And doing yoga!!!

Virgin? There IS a cloud in the background. And she looks like she's never had sex (<--- what the hell does THIS look like??!?!?!?!) ** I hate this. I wish SO badly to hear about boys. What about boys? I mean, I understand the pressures are very much in the camps of us females, but what about those poor boys in high school who are being teased by their friends to 'tap that chick', etc.? What if a boy DOESN'T want to have sex? Or what if he does it and then regrets it? I don't think one can argue that one gender is harder to be when growing up. In both respects, there's a hardcore amount of pressure and obsession surrounding sexuality. But, why?

For some reason, sexuality is a big deal. *shrugs* Go worry about your mathematics grade and stop bugging others about how 'far' they've gone.

Anyway, back to the book (I could write all day) <3<3<3 Here's something to try on for size: A symbol of abstinence: a gold rose pin handed out in schools and at Christian* youth events. The pin is attached to a small card that reads, 'You are like a beautiful rose. Each time you engage in pre-marital sex, a precious petal is stripped away. Don't leave your future husband holding a bare stem. Abstain.'" (Valenti, 2010, p. 32).

(Hilarious comic strip illustrating the reality of the above quote to come...)

WHAT?!

Sweet merciful mother!!!! That is just.... OMGGGGGGGG! Holy pressure cooker Batman!

*This scares me. If you are a Christian youth, you MUST be this way. It is your stigma. If you are not, you CANNOT be this way. There's that dichotomy again. I can only imagine a girl wearing a gold pin and falling in love (properly... the definition is up for debate... interpret as you will), and wanting to say... kiss her beloved. Then, wanting to maybe you know... MORE. YOU CAN'T! YOU AREN'T MARRIED!!! But, but... she can't afford a wedding yet... and-- and-- she's only 17. NO! NO!!! AAAAHHHH!!!! *explodes*

Terrifying. And yet, true. America IS obsessed with virginity. I think Canadians are a tad preoccupied with it... but not quite obsessed? I'd like to see a Canadian rendition of this novel... probably wouldn't be tooooooo different, methinks.

Anyway, I have nothing against beautiful gold pins. Hell, I'll wear one. But don't go throwing virginity into a symbol and pressuring someone to make a decision like that at such a young age. When you're 10, all you want to do is play in the dirt and sing stupid pop songs. It's a sweet life! Let's teach our students to self-reflect, assess personal values, and communicate effectively in order to make these apparently "INTENSELY LIFE-CHANGING DECISIONS!!!!"

Newsflash: Having sex is like making a sandwich. It happens all the time. And it's really not that big of a deal. It's a deal... but not that big of one. Let the students decide how big of a deal their sexualities are before we put a giant OMG stamp on all things sexual. Seriously.

ALSO, one last thought (haha, totally kidding... I have oodles to say, but another blog TBA...)
It's parents and adults who are so obsessed with this virginity thing. Students are only obsessed with it because adults have so much control over policy, especially extremist adults like people associated with the virginity-movements. Mad props to passionate individuals, but let's back off a little and let diverse individuals lead diverse, beautiful, unique, and healthy lives instead of drawing out the sexual to-do list of every student ever.

To do:
1. Abstain
2. Brush teeth

^ HAH! Me.

Purity. Doves. Enough said.

Stay safe. Sexually speaking... this includes BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO abstinence.

PS. Anyone who tells you to abstain from masturbating needs a kick in the jaw. As if you can tell me I can't touch my own body.

PSS. Where the lesbians at??!?!?! Apparently, they don't exist in the virginity-movement. Don't GET me started.

Sarah's sexual words of wisdom

Because I'm hilarious, this had to be done.

Here are some Dr. Seuss-isms for you all, related to sex education, of course.


If you want to get on him, use a condom.

Communicate before you fornicate.

Educate before you fornicate.

Nothing rhymes with chlamydia, indicating that no one wants it.

Bunnies have sex, so it's not THAT bad.

(Did she just say 'bunnies have sex'? What a perv!)

Gonorrhea is the vaginal flu. Medicine and time will cure it.

Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids! Trich(omoniasis) is not...

Clap your hands, not your vag.

Sex can wait, masturbate! (heard this on SNL. Hilarious. Wish I thought of it first.)

Masturbate before you fornicate.

If you can't say 'penis', you shouldn't 'use' your penis.

If you are afraid to buy condoms, don't get on him.

Be mature if you want some from her.

Masturbation: rub it until you smile.

Dental dams have nothing to do with the dentist or 'beavers'.

And then there's the ever popular:
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
Don't be a punk, cover your junk.
Don't be a noob, use that lube.
No glove, no love.




Add your sexual education hilarity. Kids remember rhymes, so teachers, parents, and other enthusiasts, think up a rhyme to promote safe sex and knowledge. Remember: ABC, 123, you me and safe sex makes three. Precious.

Stay safe. Don't chafe.
<3

So tell me what you want, what you really REALLY want

Educational policy and curriculum drafts are heavily influenced by social factors. Such as? Um, society. Yes, this means YOU and ME.

We have the power to influence education because we are a part of it. As learners, we get a say in what goes down, to a certain extent.
Who are the 'we' folks I am specifically referring to?
*Parents
*Students
*Community
*Teachers
*(other educational authority/influences)


Therefore, I have posted a vlog to express some of the desires of the community in terms of sexual health education and want WE want to know!! Also, I am wearing a gold tie. A video had to be made. You understand.

Stay safe. Sexually speaking.

Sexual Salsa

Because I know everything, I decided to write up a nifty little "Hot or Not" column, Cosmo style. It came out in the school paper yesterday. Take a look! :)

http://www.thephoenixnews.com/articles/38806


Hot.


Also hot.

Enjoy the hotness and stay safe, sexually speaking. I guess otherwise as well. I don't want you to get hit by a bus. Stay safe!

Exploring, Questioning, Reflection - Am I ready?

Resources are a beautiful thing. In this world wide web of knowledge, one can find everything from blogs about paste to encyclopedias with words that are 67 letters long. It's fantastic.

Everyone is a sexual being, and thus, since we all have that common thread, one would think that this means there are a lot of sexual resources out there. Yes... there are!!

I recently stumbled upon this gorgeous site called www.TheSite.org http://www.thesite.org/ which is a site that claims to be "your guide to the real world". Naturally, I assumed there would be comprehensive, down to earth, sexual information. I was right... as I typically am.

On this site, one can find facts about sex and relationships, STIs, general health and wellness, safer sex, virginity facts, menstruation myths, and more!



I want to make reference to the section "Risky Sex", because it makes me laugh.

He says he'll pull out before he cums.
You trust a man to have willpower whilst he is orgasming? You shouldn't. Would you remember to do anything other than 'enjoy it' whilst orgasming?

I don't have any diseases. I don't screw around.
HAH! Stop kidding yourself. People lie all the time. Go get a physical.

You'd do it if you loved me.
Slap any bitch who says this to you. You'd not use that line on me if you loved me, douchebag. *rolls eyes*. Love can cloud your judgment, and I understand this, but be aware of love's shade over your eyes. Don't let manipulative lines like this fool you. Know your values and your stance, and make sure your partner knows them too.

I was so out of it, I can't really remember.
I'd advise you to go get checked and check if the condom in your purse is gone. Be careful mixing booze and sex. If you are not aware, anything can happen. Sketch.


Another interesting section to read on this site is Sex with a new partner. When you change partners, make sure you discuss values, limitations, and stances regarding sex. Not everyone is the same and you'd be surprised what you cannot 'read' on someone. I'll give you a clue: their sexual preferences! Be open, honest, communicative, and confident about where you stand.

This site also mentions something I truly believe in:
When assessing whether or not one is ready for sex, think of this:
Are you afraid to carry a condom in your purse/wallet?
Are you afraid to talk about sex?
Comfort is key... so get comfortable about it.

Much more to come from this site, but check it out! It's fantastic. Much like sexualityandu.ca, TheSite.org is the reason I get up in the morning.

Advocating for staying safe, sexually speaking, TheSite and I bid you adieu... for now.

And now, I'm off to give a chat about Sexual Health and Relationships! Ah, Sex Week. :) Gotta love university.

Click, click, gasp: Pornography. There. I said it.

The Good, the Bad, and the Sexual




Ladies and gentlemen, here’s a well-known fact,
Lots of people use pornography in various ways. Pornography is a popular form of sexual gratification. Pornography is a safe way to have a pleasurable experience, unless one is viewing violent and/or illegal pornography that leads to illegal acts. That is where the line is drawn. Nevertheless, porn is real and it is out there, and yet, porn is stigmatized and taboo. *sigh* Some people may think it vulgar to watch/listen to/look at porn. The media portrays viewing pornography as a bit of an abnormal thing. Why? Let’s uncover the taboo and embrace the various categories of safe, legal, and respected pornography.

Let me now entertain you with a discussion about people being naked and videotaped.
As requested by a friend who said “I dare you to write about porn”, let me now entertain you with a discussion about people being naked and videotaped. Dare me? Psh. I double-dare me:

The porngasm: How pornography has enhanced sex lives across vaginas everywhere! (Alright, penises too).

This article will explore some of the pros and cons of pornography and its access. It will also make reference to sexual expression over the internet in general. I will argue that in moderation, sexual expression over the internet (such as viewing pornography), as long as it remains autonomous (ie: masturbation and/or fantasy), is a healthy alternative for youth to release their inner sexual tendencies without the risk of unwanted pregnancy or STIs. CRABS! Stay in the ocean where you belong!

Sweet Jesus there is a lot of porn out there. My theory is if it exists all over the place, there must be good in it. Porn can be a sexual aid, a masturbatory aid, a hobby on Tuesday afternoon, or something that you don’t expect when you google sex education (I speak from experience).



Porn. When I say porn, I mean a plethora of things. Erotica, for example. Erotica is such a sophisticated word, and thus I use it often to sound like an academic.
Pornography can be viewed in a gendered lens when one considers the type of porn one uses. Word on the street is women are detailed creatures, and thus we softer sex enjoy us a good story... one where we can become the heroine, perhaps? Absolutely. Like when I read books (I am always Hermione whilst reading Harry Potter), women like to play the role in their erotic fantasies. Why think up something crazily hot when you can just read a harlequin novel that does all the wording for you? “And then Raul took Cora’s breast in his hand and slowly started to...” OMG!!!! I know, right? Hot.

Guys on the other hand enjoy them some sex. Fair enough. I can appreciate this directness. The zoom in of the genitals as they embrace is a little much for me, but hey, this is porn! There are no sexual rules! Guys are all about videos and sounds, whereas girls opt for stories and even pictures. The research I read distinguishing the gendered preferences of porn was quite fascinating; however, it is not always this way. Guys read. Girls listen. It’s all relative. Either way, porn is vast and both males and females enjoy the sexual seed planted in their mind via image or text. That is a hot ass pun right there.

Did YOU know that according to some potentially non-credible source (although it sounds believable), “every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States” (Ropelato)? Really? Industrious. We know who the hard workers are in this society! Porn stars!! A girl’s gotta eat.
This site claims that the porn industry has a larger revenue than some top computer sites combined. Gasp? No. This makes sense. Porn is about sex. Who wouldn’t pay to watch a naked woman do things? Yahoo.com isn’t about sex. You can search for sex, which one can argue is better and makes you feel like you’ve earned something, but still. Porn is everywhere and it’s enjoyed by a kajillion people all the time (right now, at least 6 people in my building are viewing porn... ten bucks says). Hey! Someone had to invent it. I wish it was me. I’d be eating gold and riding my pet dragon to my secret island in Fiji. Basically, I’d be so rich, people would cry from all the money I threw at them. And who doesn’t want to be the badass known for inventing pornography? Everyone wants to be that badass. Trust.

Sarah’s words of enchantment... and wisdom:

Here’s the thing about porn:
Although it’s cool and enjoyable to be able to google yourself an orgasm, beware of addiction. Online poker? That stuff is addicting. Porn? Even more so. Everything should be in moderation. Like masturbation, which I am a huge advocate of, these things should not impede your life. While you are in class, do not google porn, for the love of God. Especially in Calculus 101 because really, what does pornography have to do with Calculus?! It’s just my opinion, but as per usual, I am correct. If you are going to porn it up, do it in the comfort of your own home (or at the library... who am I to restrict), but just make sure to be aware of the fact that you probably have something important to do tomorrow. Porn yourself to sleep? It beats counting sheep.

Here’s the scoop

The good: Staying virtual is staying safe, sexually speaking.
The bad: Missing lunch AND dinner because of porn addiction. Yeeeesh.
The sexual: Sasha Grey.

Oh no you di-in't just say penis to my 6 year old!

Friends, family, lovers and other strangers,

How would YOU sculpt K-12 sex education?
I know how I would... something similar to my bffs over in Helena, Montana. Check out my article. Await more bitching over the topic.

Andddddd enjoy:
http://www.thephoenixnews.com/articles/36671


Huh?! Oral?

Pardonez-moi? ANAL?!

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Whatchusaaaaay????

PS. The "So it it" typo is not 'wrong'. It's a puzzle to challenge YOUR intelligence. That is how proofread savvy I am. I left one in there. And/or: Clearly, something demonic swooped down and changed it to weaken my credibility, and/or: nobody's perfect.

PSS. How hilarious is this dog's face?