Masturbation: The MASTER(s thesis) of self-love

Greetings friends. So I recently made a pretty solid decision that after I preach the wonders of sex-positive comprehensive sexual health education via my Masters of Arts in Education thesis, I would like to continue my changing the world at the hand of research and try for a Masters in Sexuality Studies at San Fran State University! I looked up the program, and it's like looking in a mirror.

Anyway, I was pondering what to focus on, and the only logical conclusion I could draw was to focus on autonomous sex and safe sexual practices. Aka, masturbation and its glory.
So is it just me, or is this not a perfect cover letter to send to SFSU? *see below for the majesty*

Dear SFSU,
I am a current graduate student at UBC Okanagan. Please allow me to come to your school and sit in the library happily researching the happiness of safe sex. Here is a snippet of my passion:

WHY is masturbation frowned upon? WHY! WHYYYYY!?!?!?!?! WHHYYYYY?!?!?!

Amidst my glorious research on the taboos and challenges within sexual health education, I have drafted a series of questions that I, as I am sure you also, ponder.

If masturbation is a safe sexual practice that poses no threat to the individual (threat in this case being unwanted pregnancy or an STI), then why is it something that schools are so afraid to teach?

If masturbation is a healthy way to explore one’s body, then why is it seen as shameful?

If men are wasting their seed, what are women doing that is ‘wrong’?

Shouldn’t everyone have the right to touch his/her own body?

What’s so ‘bad’ about masturbation?

What’s so bad about teaching, informing, and exploring issues surrounding autonomous safe sex (masturbation, cybersex, fantasy)?

In short, masturbation is fantastic. You want kids to avoid STIs and unwanted pregnancy? Encourage, embrace, educate about, and enjoy MASTURBATION!